I'm back YO!

Well I must update... Had the op all went fine, no problems... got home just had a lot of nausea and dizzyness... went back to the hospital and they gave me something to treat the nausea and sent me home... all weekend I was suffering, still alot of pain and nausea... went back on monday and got readmitted into hospital until yesterday... apparently I was dehydrated, uric acid levels were slightly high and then I started getting high blood pressure... so they kept me in... I was feeling alot better by yesterday, no pain, few headaches that I associate with only being on liquid stuff and adjusting to no food but generally in good spirits.. but they were concerned about my blood pressure... so I've been sent home and hired an electronic monitor that I have to test myself for a week throughout the day and report the results to a cardiologist specialist... since I have been home though my blood pressure has dropped significantly back to normal so I am unsure if it was due to being overwhelmed by the surgery, pain, exhaustion, stress, laying in bed for a week and being in hospital etc...

other than that I am ok.. have lost 10 kgs and that makes me smile so hard. I am not hungry just find my head telling me to eat but no necessarily wanting food... its a big head twist isn't it.... but I'm good back to Dietian on monday and hopefully they will let me attempt mush by the end of this coming week.

Got a bit of pain today after driving when the port is... think I have to get used to sitting up instead of lying down position... but nothing too niggly.. was a huge relief to be home to the kids, do some shopping last night and cook the family dinner and be ok... me and the kids had a slumber party in the lounge last night, I could tell they were a little concerned about me and to be honest this Op has taken its toll on my whole family... I've never seen my parents so worried about me or the kids...

anyways heres to a nice friday, hopefully no more of those damaging storms here in brisbane, low blood pressure, good recovery and nice journey into this new phase of my life...

I survived!!

I am home... just a quick post to let everyone know that I am ok...

thanks to everyone for the support in the lead up to my op... things went well. Arrived at the hospital at 6am was taken through to admission... Got dressed into gown and before I know it I was wheeled into Surgery... I was talking 1 minute and the next minute I woke up... Felt a bit of nausea but nurses got that under control and I was transferred to the ward within half and hour... spent the day/night just dosing... light pains in my shoulder and stomach when I move but nothing too out of control... was up and going to the toilet by lunch time yesterday.... so am home now... spending a few days at my parents with my lil girl so that I can rest up and be looked after... Felt a bit of the post Op blues this morning which I've heard is common... but doing better now that I am home...

keep you posted on my progress...

I'm scared!!!

So the OP is like tomorrow!!! freaking right out.... was a bit of a restless sleep last night.... was doing ok then a story about the lap ban came on current affair with this dietitian talking about all the bad things about the band and that research has shown that people gain more weight in the end after having lost some with the band... I wonder wether I am doing the right thing or if I should just continue on my healthy eating path... I have been fat, big, pluss size forever it feels... I am tormented by my weight...

I am also scared about PBing... about if I can stick to healthy eating and all that.... I have never done dieting well... never... so why will I with a lapband?

all my fears have reared... I am not taking this decision lightly I have had 12mths to get to tomorrow... but still feel a little scared!

counting down the days!!

Ok so I had another mtg with my boss today and it went pretty well.. enough that i wasn't about to jump the table and swear all my ramblings at him like last week anyway...

am feeling better today... virus slowly going, stomach feeling bit better and only 3 days till the OP.... fingers crossed that all goes well and that I come home feeling ok...

the journey to slimming is going to begin soon... yay!!

work,, stress,, life.. the band

so yesterday I went back to work for the first time in a fortnight.... I don't think that I mentioned before that I went to Perth not only for my brother's wedding but because my brother is terminally ill... I have been having a hard time dealing with this fact too so decided while I was over there that I would stay on a few extra days and didn't return to work on the Wednesday as I had originally informed my work I would. I did contact them on the Monday before to advise why I wasn't coming back and to see if they could find a replacement to attend the training that I was organised to attend... all which was ok at the time... I asked them to ring if there was any problem and I would have come home earlier... no call.... so I came home on friday and then saturday came down with shocking stomach virus... no jokes... still feeling sick today nearly a week on... but I went into work yesterday (an additional day to what I normally work) and wasn't feeling great still but I thought I should make the effort so I did... all was ok till my manager wanted to have a cross over.... during which time he decided to tell me that it wasn't ok that I stayed on in Perth and that he was concerned with my leave... it was at this time that I started to feel cramps, sick and angry... I was angry because he didn't contact me and tell me it wasn't ok to stay on in Perth, I am angry also because I wasn't feeling great yet here I was at work listening to him telling me that Its not cool that I've been sick...

I have to be honest and say that in the last 2 years I have had more leave than anyone else in our office. In saying that I must also add that I've had some pretty significant issues going on that have added to this leave including my gran passing, going through extensive custody battle of my partners children including their mother taking them from us for several weeks and trying to get the courts and police to recover them, my daughter being sick with several viruses when she was under 2, my partner going to Hospital for golden staf infection, my mother being sick with bi polar and having to stay with me and me having to help her through getting treatment, my brother being ill and then theres me... I pick up every virus, flu, tonsilitis etc. I believe that my weight has something to do with that but for a long time my doctor thought I had a thyroid problem.... anyway this is one of the reasons that I want the band... to try and reduce illness...

I know that I am sick all the time... I know that I've had alot of family problems outside of work that are impacting on me attending work... but I don't know how to change that.. I have started to see a social worker through work... she was really supportive and said that I should keep just doing what I can because I have extraordinary issues and I am doing the best I can right now... thats how I feel too...

So I cut back my hours at work to 3 days to relieve some of the pressure... mind you its taken them 3 months to replace the other 2 days work that I do with someone so i've still been doing 5 days in the 3 days that I'm there which has been full on...

that pissed me off when my manager made a comment that things have gotten behind because I haven' tbeen here... fark.... of course they have cause I only work 3 days now...

I am angry. upset. devestated... sad.. I truly am doing my dream job... to an extent one that I created for myself... I just don't know how to address the problems in my life and work.

I have to say that I understand where my work is coming from... they want results results results... but in terms of committment and results I have pulled off 3 big events, had positive media coverage, worked alot of overtime and not been paid for it, done work from home, taken calls from them on my days off and not been paid for it... I have contributed to my work significantly but all they see is how much leave I've had.

I am unsure how to proceed from here... mind you I utterly embarrassed myself yesterday by telling my boss how I was 'actually' feeling... I told him that I felt that over the past 2 years I was constantly being attacked about my leave, that I felt that I had contributed alot but knew that I had alot of leave, that I was an absolute team player and never complained about doing work from home or working additional hours for no pay and proceeded to get so upset that I just cried through it all... personally I just wanted to tell him to go fuck himself,,, fuck off out of my face but knew that wouldn't get me anywhere...

I still don't know how to address the issue to be honest...

anyway thats my spiel for the day...

I'm supposed to be on the shakes but I'm still on the water!!

Hey hey peoples.... I'm bak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feels like I haven't had a chance to blog in like weeks when Its been like 1 week I guess... So I went to Perth and my brother got married... so glad to be back in sunny Qld though... I love Brisbane... love it...

got back at 7am friday and had my appointment with Dr Carmody at the Mater Private at 9.30am... picked up my car up and headed straight to my appointment with a tired 2 year old.... I didn't have time to take MarMar home so she was with me and in fine form... She played up the whole time in the sitting room, in my consultation... to which Dr Carmody was fully accommodating because he also has kids but I was just over tired from my flight and over whelmed from MarMar that I didn't ask all the questions that I wanted to. He gave me a good run through of what to expect of his service though and I am glad that I decided to finally go with the Mater. They have great follow up and support and are there through the whole journey with you to help you reach your goals. He was honest about the fact that some patients don't loose any weight but that alot do,.

I felt good with him and am at this stage still going ahead with the surgery next week.

My deliema though is that Saturday I came down with a horrid stomach virus... Like I haven't been to the toilet so many times in my life... I finally got that to settle Monday avo and then the cramps haven't stopped... I've been to the doctor. there's not much more they can give me I just have to rest and ride it out.. I've had water after water after water... last night I had a piece of fish purely to get something into me... it was delicious and more than enough and didn't upset my stomach and this morning I had 2 pieces of toast and a cuppa... I have been eating dry salada crackers on and off too.. I am supposed to be on optifast stage but because I am super dehydrated I had to eat bits here and there to get my energy up and rehydrate... I tell you the hydralyte shit sucks...

anyways getting over it slowly and hope to be alright by tomorrow... last night was the first nite since before I left for Perth that I had a full nights rest... and I wasn't up and down with pain all night. I rang mum and my bro and they both have the same thing as me so I think we picked it up travelling home from Perth actually... though MarMar hasn't got it yet touch wood and she was with us... I told mum that the cramps felt like I was in labour... seriously they were that bad... she agreed... said she felt the same.... honestly I've had bugs before but this time its been lethal... anyways thats what has led me to reconsider my surgery date for next week... given that I ain't feeling tops and that I have had time off this week from work I am wondering wether I should push the surgery back a week or two.... my doctor said not to worry and I should be over it by then... but my main concern is that I have had to eat when I am supposed to be on opti at the moment... and to be honest now I am getting a little better I feel like a big steak meal and heaps of steamed vegies... mmm cause I feel like I am an empty shell...

oh well... we'll see...
maybe I am supposed to feel absolute shite anyway in this stage... so should just get over it and go with it now since I already feel like this :)???

going to have a weight watchers minestrone soup to fill me up instead.... not quiet a steak and not quiet optifast but a pretty good trade off I reckon...

did I mention that I appreciate all the advice and support I've been getting too... can't wait to hear about Zena and her sister's op tomorrow.... hope all goes well....

I am freaking a little bit about the Op to be honest... just a little.... but reading everyone else's blogs convinces me that its going to be ok...