appointments, drs and the date!

So its been a few days.... I have been out bush for work.... while it was relaxing it was also long... jam packed days that seemed to roll into eachother...

returned home on friday night and my mum arrived from mt isa... she was heading to Perth on sunday for my older brother's wedding.... I am heading this thursday and staying till monday...

I have been feeling really good. Eating well up until yesterday... kids had a student free day and asked to have mcdonalds... haven't had that crap for ages so agreed and really regretted the big mac for several hours after.... that stuff just doesn't process through your body very well...
I could tell anyway... I am learning to listen to my body now and I think lesson learnt is just not to go to the fast food chains wherever it can be avoided...

anyway this morning I got up and cooked a nice breakfast of eggs and baked beans... tasted delicious and I will be quite full till lunch time... gotta get ready for work...

In relation to the band.... Wow its really not far away... I can't believe that I have waited 12 months for this... Its like 3 weeks away :)

I have my specialist appointment on the 31st and also dietians appt... I start Opti that day and the op is on the 13 November. A friend reminded me last week that I will be on the liquid/mush phase over xmas... but I don't give a ratz azz... Its always too hot at xmas to enjoy a big feed anyway so I'm ok with not having my usual binge... hopefully we will be out and about swimming somewhere anyway...

Saw some really horrible pictures of myself taken last week while we were away posted on a friends facebook... I was temporarily considering asking her to remove them but they are group shots... I then thought no... that is a testimate to how I look NOW.... I am that big. But I won't be for much longer. So they can stay there. I will have something to look back at 12mths from now and feel good about :)

there is always a positive in everything, you just have to find it!

I'm Smiling :):):)

So I am pretty happy today!! Got on the scales and have lost another 2 kgs.... without much exercise in the past 2 weeks mind you.... It has made my day... I have started on these mashumi vitamins that a friend of mine recommended they are supposed to boost your energy and speed up your matabolism.... So I gave em a try and yesterday I actually noticed that I was feeling alot more energetic. On the weekend I didn't have my usual cat naps either and was full of beans when I got home last night. Got up at 6am today. Baked some pinwheel treats for my staff meeting (we have a little comp going), dyed my hair, got the kids bathed, fed and lunches ready and am about to move myself to get ready... within an hour and half thats pretty good I reckon... I normally leave home about 8.15am drop big kids at school and my baby at daycare... get to work at 9.30am and work till 5.30pm....

anyways... I have been taking those tablets and having the gym shakes for brekky to sort of prepare me for the optifast stage in a month... if I drop a few kgs before then I don't mind either.

My personal frame of mind is a hell of a lot better this week too... I am feeling Great!!!

I am heading away tomorrow to a conference for 2 days out bush... will be nice to get out of the city for a few days even if it is for work.... I am taking a few young people (all over 18) with me so its kind of a road trip.... can't wait...

well have a fabulous day everyone, I know I will be....

am I going CRAZY!!

Ok so I am writing this out of pure need to share my thoughts and get everything off my chest. Yesterday I was at work and all of a sudden was overcome by nausea and got up and had to walk it off... after about 2 hours I decided that I just wasn't feeling well and went home... I got on the train... quite crowded at 4pm and as normal proceeded to play my ipod and be absorbed by my mag... though i started to notice a woman who regularly gets on the train abusing other riders... this woman has some mental disorder and I think everyone who gets on the ipswich line has come across her and of course no one is ever rude to her, but she was doing her block... my mother has bipolar and recently we had a bit of an upset with her and I have been quite stressed since. When this woman kept going and going yesterday I just felt overwhelmed... like the carriage closed in on me... I got off at my station - just... felt sick in the guts...

went to a friends and thought I was having an asthma attack... after it settled i drove home and then it came on again... or maybe I was still stressing and just stressed myself out about how I was feeling... anyway I tried to get into my normal doctors and they were booked out so I went to a local one near home. I immediately thought the doctor looked dodgy (thats another story) and he immediately said you had a panic attack, I can't help you, you've got problems in the head... has this or that happened to you blah blah... I was like I paid you $60 to tell me fuck all... I was like check my vitals, what sypmtoms do I have to have that?? he was no help... he did prescribe me on some anti-depressants though and suggested I come back in 2 weeks...

I had a horrible night... came home and proceeded to ring my friend and cry my eyes out...

I mean that made me more upset... Although we have a history of mental illness in my family I DONT WANT TO BE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO SUFFER FROM IT.... i've seen with my mums experience in particular how hard it is... I pray that thats not what I am going through....

I have felt varied levels of depression for sometime now though and I think it may have stemmed back to when I was pregnant... I remembered trying to get help from the hospital during my pregnancy saying that I felt depressed like something was wrong with me...

Anyway so today I went back to my normal, kindhearted doctor... she made me feel heaps better... turns out she thinks that I may have some sort of reflux situation that makes me feel upset in the stomach (which has been happening for the past week or so) and that because of that I feel other sypmtoms and that I just got a bit panicy because of all of it at once...

Did I mention that at the time I felt off at work that the aircon was playing up and it was stuffy and that I also was reading about that qantas disaster shit... I have to fly in 2 weeks to WA so ok it freaked me out alot...

so my doctor gave me some tablets for the reflux and after I took 1 I felt a little better... I am not moving mountains now but I did notice a slight change. So we'll see how I go... She said she didn't think it was a serious panic attack nor depression etc as I was feeling just fine in the morning. Actually I normally feel great, like I love living and feel blessed with most aspects of my life, I just can't grasp why yesterday happened...

I booked an appointment with a naturopath next week. I want to get as much help as possible to get me through this time. and especially help my fly to WA for my brothers wedding...

On the weight front, had my first take away today... KFC it was great too, only had 6 nuggets, forgoed the chips and soft drink and I was content with that...

anyways has anyone else experienced something like this... please share...
take care....

brand new start

So I had a super long weekend cause I only work 3 days now and had Monday off also... so returning to work today... While I can say I indulged a little at the bbq on sunday for the NRL grandfinal I had a few pork chops (highly unusual as I don't usually eat pork unless its roasted) but these were marinated and delicious... so I had a few... and a few drinks also... aside from that I have been doing well... no more hot chips on the horizon and definately haven't even thought about kfc, mcdonalds or hungry jacks....

I am still getting over the flu/asthma so haven't hit the gym for a week but haven't felt well enough too... will go for a 1/2 hour walk at lunch time today...

still 118kg nothing has moved... but thats ok... I am doing alright and its not long till the Op on November 13th!!!! YAY I can't imagine feeling restricted...

anyways.... thanks to everyone for the advice and support over the past few weeks.... its been so comforting.

Crista*

something short

Well took Mar Mar and her brother to the movies this morning to see Beverley Hills Chuhuahua and it was pretty funny... we also went out to brekky first at the coffee club... had bacon and eggs for the first time in what felt like ages and was so full afterwards that I didn't have lunch... still not hungry and its now 2pm... had nearly a litre of water so far too..

for dinner the kids asked for nachos... haven't made them in ages but thought I would get avacados, tomatoes and lettuce and kinda make it into a nacho/taco mix up... so that its not just chips, cheese and sauce..

got a bad cough today... going to go and try and rest for a bit with my daughter... she has passed on the flu to me... hoping to be better for the big weekend by tomorrow or I may not be going to my netball break up afterall :(

xo

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE SCENERY - CHANGE IT

As best you can, be a maker and shaper of your life. Don't just accept whatever is dished up to you. Don't play the victim.



just read the above on someone else's blog.... seems relevant to me so I want to share it!!

its a new day

So yesterday I felt pretty overwhelmed by the support of my fellow bloggers... I didn't actually think that anyone was reading my blog and about 5mins after I posted it I got a message from Nola which absolutely uplifted me and made my day really... so thank you Nola for taking the time and contributing your thoughts... FGS also dropped in during the day twice actually :) and I appreciate you taking the time.

You both made me feel good about myself and about how I feel and being able to deal with the relationship situation. Some days it just feels ok to be treated like this, others it doesn't. But more and more I realise that I do have standards and why should I be settling for less than the best.. I am going to do as Nola suggested and print out yesterday's blog and show him how I've been feeling.. Maybe he doesn't actually realise...

anyway ladies thanks for the luv and support.....

on another note I met up with a girlfriend yesterday for coffee and she was telling me about this fabulous naturopath that she has been seeing and how she was feeling down, tired, anxiety etc and that the formula that she was given has been really working for her. I am all for alternative medicines so I am going to go and see these people as well... It couldn't hurt. I checked out there website also and it was interesting... if Brisbaneites are reading this you maybe able to visit http://www.vivemarket.com.au/

Food wise still doing good, yesterday I had a shake for breakfast from the gym and I totally had no cravings for food til at least 1pm, like whats in that stuff??? for lunch I had a wholemeal chicken sandwich with onion, 1 cheese and tomato and it was absolutely delicious... actually just the tomatoe, cheese and onion would have been good... might have that today... I drank heaps of water and for a later afternoon snack I had 2 pieces of pizza... ended up forgoing dinner because I didn't feel hungry... was fine as I was..

Got a bad cough today though, have been fighting off the flu for weeks and finally its getting me.. taking vitamin C's and going to give the gym a break this week on the advice of my acupuncturist who told me when I am feeling unwell the best thing I can do is REST...

Got my ladies' nite this friday so hope I can make it and I'm not sick too.. Technically its our net ball break up, then saturday night is my girlfriends birthday party so nibbles and drinks at her place then hitting tha club... told her I doubt I'll make the club, just too much in 2 days and I don't drink much these days, be lucky to recover from friday nite :):) then sunday bbq and drinks at another friends place for the NRL grandfinal... looking forward to that... what a weekend... not sure I will drink on sat or sunday but think both days will be light sipping if I do...

got monday off so will be resting my dot then... :)